A Russian Flood

Original story written in 2004.
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ok.
here I am.
In Russia.
And I just made a major fuck up. It's still a little too close to the event for me to laugh about it. In a few weeks/months maybe this will be funny, but right now I'm all annoyed, my stomach is tight and I can't sleep. Every noise is someone from the hotel coming to my door to tell me the situation is horrible and getting worse.


It was a late evening and I was doing some work in my hotel room. I aws having some issues with my computer and I figured I'd take a break and just start a bath. So I start the water and get back to trying to figure out this computers' problem. Pretty soon, I'm all wrapped up in the issue and trying to figure it all out. Then I hear the sound of the bath and I remember I left the water on.

I run into the bathroom to check it out. The water is flowing full force out the faucet. I turn it off and survey the damage. It's pretty bad. So I resign to my fate and I start sopping it up with the few measley towels I have. Then I see that the puddle, or should I say river, flows out the door way. I didn't want that to happen. And of course it's my computer's fault cause it's such a piece of wothless technology.

I open the door and take a peek outside. It's worse then I expected. The river flows down the hall and has created lakes in the middle of the hallway. After seeing this, I get really really freaked out. So I quickly go out into the hallway and start sopping up that mess. My first thought is, 'well I'll just clean this up before anyone notices.' Wrong.

In the middle, or in the beginning actually since this was a rather long drawn out process and it's probably still going on now. Along comes a Russian hotel guard chatting on his CB. Obviously I have no idea what he's saying exactly, but I can pretty much guess the overall meaning of the conversation. 'Yeah, we got a big mess up here, there's a stupid american out here with a soggy towel on his hands and knees making his meager attempt at saving face, but I caught him in the act.'

So now there's me and a security guard. This guard is a young guy and although I don't know what he's saying, I feel as though he's on my side. He makes some body language and a smile that says, 'it's cool.' Then along comes another guard. They're chatting about me and talking on their CB's. I figure I'll just keep cleaning up. The nice guard hangs out while the other one leaves, only to be replaced by the hotel manager lady and an older gentelman.

The hotel manager lady is like all hotel manager ladies. Even in Russia the stereotypes for most jobs hold true. Although this one was nicer then the average hotel manager. She spoke some decent english and I told her what happened.

So I lie and say I was on the phone and I forgot about the tub. She repeats this nonsense to the other Russians and all I hear is, 'blah blah blah telephono blah blah blah' She says that they'll have to call the electrical man to see if the room is alright. Meanwhile, a maid shows up, another guard shows up, and everyone is chatting in Russian. I'm just standing there like a moron, wishing I could be somewhere else.

I don't say anything, but I think that maybe some more towels would be helpful. The manager lady tells me that they'll go and get the vaccuum cleaner and that the maid will clean it up. She says they'll have to check on the other floors to make sure there are no other problems or leaks. If there are, this will be bad for me. Those were her exact words.

I ask her how to say sorry in Russian and she says 'invinite' and I repeat that and the nice guard chuckles a bit. The manager tells me to be more careful and the maid says something in Russian which can probably be translated into, 'ya dumb fuck I don't care if you're sorry or not. It's 12 o'clock at night and I'm up here vaccuuming up your mess!'

I tell the manager lady to tell the maid lady to not vaccuum it up. It's my fault, I'll do the clean up. I was hoping to have it all done before you got here anyway. She says, no the maid will do it and then she leaves. So it's just the nice guy, the annoyed maid and I.

I figure I might as well continue to sop up the mess, just to show some initiative and to make it look like I'm at least trying. Which I really was. Then the electrical man comes along, just looks around and leaves. Then the vaccuum system gets turned on and the maid starts vaccuuming up the mess while I'm working around here trying to sop up stuff with my soggy towell.

The vaccuuming is done and she heads off. The nice guy leaves too. And it's just me, the remnents of my disaster and my crappy feeling which hasn't gone away and that's why I'm writing this.